Unwanted
by SakuraSyaoran4eva
Summary: Spike is left alone one night and as he smokes his last cigarette, he thinks about his relationship with Angel and everyone else.


_Spike's feelings towards Angel during Season 5

* * *

_

Unwanted…

_The raindrops hit the window one by one as he watches desolately. _

_Thwack!_

_Thwack!_

_The rain's not feeling gentle tonight…it rarely ever is on nights like these. I sit in the corner, still as ice, leaning against the windowpane…haven't moved for hours._

_Lost track of exactly how many hours…_

"…_Gunn'll come with me. I want someone on my back – you too Wes. Fred, you and Lorne…No, I don't want Spike...need you to…" Hazes of the conversation drift from the corridor into Peaches' office and I do my best to tune them out._

"_I want someone on my back…. Angel's voice echoes in my head. "…No, I don't want Spike…"_

'_Course. Bloody pouf always wanted everyone but me…_

All that I did was walk over  
Start off by shaking your hands  
That's how it went  
I had a smile on my face and I sat up straight  
Oh, yeah, yeah  
I wanted to know you  
I wanted to show you

_Light up a fag...watch as the unwanted ash falls to the floor…_

_Always… Unwanted…Unneeded… Always…Unwanted…

* * *

_

_**Germany, Somewhere in the 1800's**_

_It rains heavily and he can hear the rain hitting the windows resolutely._

_The raindrops hit the window one by one as he watched desolately. _

_Thwack!_

_Thwack!_

_The newly turned fledgling watches from his corned as the other three argue about him._

"_I told you Angelus! I don't want that mangy mutt here!" The blond –Darla, the fledgling remembers – shouts, stomping her foot in anger. "You ought to just stake it already and be done!" She doesn't want him. Angelus, the brunette, throws his hands up in frustration as the fledgling struggles to keep his tears at bay._

"_The lass wans ter keep it!" He motions to Drusilla, the one the fledgling – William – has pegged as mad. The madwoman ignores him, singing to the mouse she's caught about death and the starts…_

_As the fledgling watches Darla opens her mouth to return but is cut off by the Irishman._

"_Dru'll get bored 'ventully. Then, me thinks, the sun'll take care of it…"Angelus doesn't want him…a tear manages to escape but he brushes it away before anyone can notice._

_Angelu, his sire, doesn't want him…Darla doesn't want him…and soon, if the ongoing conversation is anything to judge by, Drusilla won't want him either…_

_Unwanted…He was unwanted…

* * *

_

_As I silently take another drag, the office door flies open…and the pouf himself pounces in._

You don't know me  
Don't ignore me  
You don't want me there  
You just shut me out  
You don't know me  
Don't ignore me  
If you had your way  
You'd just shut me up  
Make me go away

"_I told you Spike! I don't want you in here!" He screams at me…I don't blink… don't effen' move… can't…Muttering obscenities at me as he grabs whatever it was he came in for and storms out…duster billowing out behind him…_

"_I told you Spike… I don't want you…" His voice echoes through my head…_

_O' Course…never wanted me…Didn't then… Won't now…_

No, I just don't understand why  
you won't talk to me  
It's hurts that I'm so unwanted for nothing  
Don't talk words against me  
I wanted to know you  
I wanted to show you

"_I don't want that mangy mutt here!" Darla's voice now…_

"_Dru'll get bored 'ventully…" Yeah…she would…and she had…two hundred years later…She'd gotten bored…left…_

_More ash from the fag falls to the ground…the light weakly flickin' on and off…_

_Unwanted…_

_More raindrops hit the window... one by one…slowly…as if drawing out the torture…_

_Thwack!_

_Thwack!_

I tried to belong  
It didn't seem wrong  
My head aches  
Its been so long  
I'll write this song  
If that's what it take

_I lift it to my lips again…about to take a drag…when the entire fag crumbles into nothing more then just ash…_

_Silently, I brush the ash off my coat. Ash isn't much good for leather…_

_Not like I hadn' been 'spectin it. Unwanted things usually crumble when you turn around and actually want 'em…_

"_Happy Birthday Wesley!" Someone crows from the corridor…Percy's birthday…didn' know…no one told me… _

"_Blow out the candles!" Someone shouts._

_Unwanted…_

_Thwack!_

_Thwack!_

_Raindrops hit the window... one by one…slowly…and I turn to focus my attention to them once more… _

Make me go away  
Make me go away

_Unwanted…_

_Finis_


End file.
